Theophanes Avery, Chaos Sprite

Theophanes!

Theophanes Avery – Bard, Author, Chaos Sprite


Good morrow, fair visitors to this realm of words! Let me regale thee with tales of Theophanes Avery, a scribe, an adventurer, and a sprite of the fairy kind, whose deeds and writings are as enchanting as a bard’s song at a Renaissance Faire.

The Scribe

Hark, for Avery’s quill hath touched upon many a parchment. Their first tome, “Honoring Echo,” doth capture their journeys across the vast lands of the Lower 48, weaving tales of landscapes and folk with the skill of yore’s minstrels. Each page doth whisper the winds of adventure, painting visions of America through the eye of one who wanders.

Thence, “Milking the Cat” emerged, a collection of mirth and musings upon the creatures great and small that have crossed their path. This book doth tickle the ribs with tales of animal antics, revealing Avery’s keen eye for the humor in nature’s tapestry.

And lo, “Achilles in Heels” dost bring myth to life anew, telling of the famed warrior’s youth with a twist most amusing. Herein lies Avery’s love for folklore, spun with threads of modern wit, making old stories dance to new tunes.

The Adventurer

Avery, with heart and boots well-traveled, doth love the lands of New England, where they seek out mysteries in every corner. Their blog, “Catching Marbles,” is a chronicle of such quests, from the autumnal hunts in Newton’s sacred grounds to the vibrant streets of Provincetown. Each story, a guide for the curious, doth blend the lore of the land with the lore of the soul.

But their adventures do not end with mere travel; nay, they extend into arts of sculpting, doodling with the humble Sharpie, knitting, and even the craft of tattooing upon leather. Their vision for “Through the Looking Glass Farm” speaks of a future where they teach the ways of the earth, husbandry of rare beasts, and the art of living in harmony with nature.

The Fairy Sprite

Methinks, when we speak of Avery as a fairy sprite, we mean one who brings light and magic unto the mundane. Their tales do often touch upon the fantastical, where each day holds a spell or a surprise. Through their writings, they beckon thee to see the world as if through the eyes of a child, where every leaf and stone might hold enchantment.

Avery’s spirit shines even in the shadow of illness, known in modern tongues as being a “spoonie,” showing us all that even in adversity, there is beauty to be found and shared.

In Conclusion

Theophanes Avery be a modern-day bard, a storyteller whose tales are as varied as the stars in the night sky. Through their books and digital scrolls, they invite us to join in adventures, laugh at life’s absurdities, and perhaps, just perhaps, believe in a little magic. Visit their digital keep to delve deeper into this tapestry of tales, where each click might lead to a new quest or a moment of wonder.

Thus, with this tale, we close our scroll, hoping to have enriched thy day with the lore of Theophanes Avery. May ye find joy in the upcoming year!

Beckster Bakes

“He who controls the spice controls the universe, but he who controls the baking controls the things which really matter.”


Good evening, sir or madam or etceteras, and allow me to introduce you to the marvel that is Beckster Bakes, a confectionery establishment with the soul of an age-old artifice, nestled in the quaint hamlet of Duanesburg.

In their splendid workshop, one finds not merely cakes, cupcakes, and pies, but relics of bygone culinary epochs, each with the warmth of a hearth-tended by the likes of a Grandma, a Mother, or a Great Aunt Sally. Their creations are not bound by the mere mechanics of baking but are infused with the alchemy of personalization, catering to the whims of even the most delicate of palates, such as those with dairy allergies, ensuring all may partake in the feast of flavors.

At the grand bazaar known as Wonderplace Alpha, Beckster Bakes shall present their steam-powered assortment, where each piece is a testament to their meticulous craftsmanship. They offer a catalogue of sweets, from the traditional to the avant-garde, all served with a touch of Victorian elegance. Their service extends beyond mere transaction; they engage in the art of conversation for bespoke orders, with options for delivery or rendezvous at a location most agreeable to their patrons.

Beckster Bakes, with its flavors of darkness and light, its blaze of brass and gears, invites you to indulge in the symphony of taste and tradition at Wonderplace Alpha.

And so, prepare yourselves for an adventure in gustatory delight, for when you visit Beckster Bakes, you will not simply taste; you will embark upon a journey through time, where each bite is an explosion of nostalgia, and each sip of tea a celebration of the past. Here, in this corner of the marketplace, the gears of history turn once more, offering you not just sweets, but a spectacle of flavors that dance on the tongue, promising to ignite your senses and leave you yearning for the next adventure in this wonderland of gastronomy!

“Mannie, the narrator, once spoke of the joy of Earth food, likening it to a feast of the gods. Among those delights, there’s mention of the simple yet profound pleasure of pie: ‘Apple pie with real Earth apples. You can’t imagine.'”
-Robert Heinlein, “The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress”

Multi-Genre Festivals For Fun and Profit

A Multi-Genre Festival Tailored for the Unconventional: Wonderplace Alpha.

Wonderplace Alpha transcends* the typical festival experience by blending an array of genres into a harmonious celebration of the weird, the nerdy, and the alternative. Here’s how the multi-genre festival aspect of this event makes it a haven for those who thrive on the fringes:

A Sonic Smorgasbord

Some of the most famous multi-genre festivals are musical. For the eclectic music lover, Wonderplace Alpha is a dreamland. This festival’s multi-genre approach means you might start your day with the chaos of punk rock, transition into the ethereal sounds of ambient electronic music, and end with the storytelling of folk ballads. This diversity caters directly to those whose tastes don’t fit neatly into one box. It’s a place where someone can enjoy a set by a band known for their experimental noise rock and then head over to a stage featuring a DJ who specializes in 8-bit video game music. This variety not only satisfies but also excites the palate of the unconventional listener. At this multi-genre festival, music lovers are spoilt for choice.

Art Without Boundaries

The art at Wonderplace Alpha reflects its musical diversity, offering everything from surrealist paintings to interactive digital installations. For those who appreciate art that pushes boundaries, the festival is a gallery without walls. You might encounter a live muralist painting alongside a performance artist in a silent film setting or witness a fusion of traditional and modern art forms, like a classical ballet performance with glitch art projections. This blend highlights how this multi-genre festival can create a space where the alternative art lover can find endless inspiration and enjoyment.

Literature and Performance

Beyond music and visual arts, Wonderplace Alpha’s multi-genre approach extends to literature and performance, offering spoken word, poetry slams, and readings from obscure or cult authors. For the literary nerd, there might be a tent dedicated to speculative fiction with authors discussing their latest works or workshops on writing for alternative media. This inclusivity in genre ensures that even the most niche interests are catered to, providing a platform for stories and performances that might never see the light of day in more conventional settings. Here, multi-genre elements enhance every aspect.

Interactive and Thematic Experiences

The festival’s varied genres allow for unique, themed interactive experiences. Imagine a steampunk-themed area where you can engage with live role-playing games, or a sci-fi section where attendees can participate in a mock space mission. These experiences at a multi-genre festival not only entertain but also immerse participants in worlds that align with their interests, whether that’s exploring dystopian futures or reliving historical moments through a fantastical lens.

Cross-Pollination of Cultures and Ideas

The beauty of a multi-genre festival for the unconventional is the cross-pollination of ideas and cultures. Here, a metal band might collaborate with a traditional Japanese musician, or a folk artist might explore hip-hop influences. This fusion of genres not only broadens the horizons of attendees but also creates new art forms that resonate with those who appreciate the blending of traditions and sounds.

A Safe Space for Expression

For those who identify as weird, nerdy, or alternative, Wonderplace Alpha’s multi-genre nature provides a safe space for self-expression. Whether you’re into cosplay, live-action role-playing, or simply want to dress in a way that reflects your inner world, the festival’s diverse audience ensures that you’re not alone. Here, every genre, every subculture, has its place, making it a festival where everyone can express their true selves without fear of judgment.

Community and Networking

The multi-genre setup fosters a community where connections are made across different interests. An indie game developer might find their next collaborator at a panel on video game music, or a fan of obscure 80s B-movies might bond with someone over a shared love for a particular genre at a themed screening. This networking aspect at a multi-genre festival is particularly appealing to those whose interests might not be mainstream, offering a rare chance to connect with like-minded individuals.

Conclusion

Wonderplace Alpha, with its celebration of a multitude of genres, is more than just a festival; it’s a vibrant ecosystem where the weird, the nerdy, and the alternative can find joy, inspiration, and community. The multi-genre aspect ensures that every attendee can dive into the depth of their interests while also discovering new ones, making Wonderplace Alpha not just a temporary escape but a profound celebration of diversity in expression and creativity.

* Or “is more ridiculous than”, if you prefer.

Why You Need To Support Authors And Purchase Their Books Or Else The Universe Will Explode Tomorrow

Tomes of power!


In this panel, you will meet some of our amazing authors, hear about the writing process, and understand that if you don’t spend a great deal of money on their tomes, all of Reality will be unmade, but hey, no pressure.

Step right up, bibliophiles, cosmic enthusiasts, and those who’ve ever wondered if their reading habits might perhaps be the key to universal destruction. Welcome the most pivotal panel at Wonderplace Alpha: “Why You Need To Support Authors And Purchase Their Books Or Else The Universe Will Explode Tomorrow.” Here, we’ll have a nice, cozy discussion with our authors about their work, art, writing in general, and the Universe ending.

The Panel Setup:

Imagine stepping into a room designed like the interior of a colossal, steampunk library where books don’t just sit on shelves; they orbit around you like planets around a star. The walls are adorned with gears that turn with each thought-provoking discussion, and authors, in their space suits, are perched on floating podiums.

Doesn’t that sound awful?

We’ll offer you a nice room with chair and such. It’s the people and the words that matter, after all.

Part 1: The Cosmic Impact of Fantasmic Literature

What would the world be like without Science Fiction and Fantasy literature?

Part 2: The Author’s Plight and Your Role

Wherein we meet our authors!

  • The Existential Crisis of Authorship: It’s hard enough to put words together on a page, virtual or otherwise. Ransoming them to a happy audience is a unique and challenging skill. It also helps to have great readers.
  • Writing For A Very Stressed Modern Audience.
  • Trying To Write The Future Faster Than We Can Invent It

Part 3: The Call to Action

Oh, go ahead…tell us why we ought buy your books!

  • The Economics of Existence: Sure illustrating how book sales correlate with the stability of time-space continuums.
  • Interactive Q&A: A chance for the audience to engage with bizarre questions like, “Can horror stories scare away dark energy?” or “Is there a genre that could prevent the heat death of the universe?” Answers will be a mix of playful speculation and real insights into literature’s influence.
  • The Art of Storytelling as Cosmic Glue: Discussion on how storytelling not only entertains but also binds the fabric of reality together, with each tale adding a thread to the cosmic tapestry.

Conclusion: The Real Stakes

As the panel concludes, the playful threats of universal doom will segue into a heartfelt appeal for the support of authors. The panelists will emphasize that while the universe might not literally explode, our cultural and intellectual landscape could certainly diminish without the continuous creation and consumption of literature.

“Every book you buy supports not just an author but the collective imagination of humanity. It’s about preventing the explosion of our shared consciousness, keeping the spark of creativity alive in an ever-expanding universe.”

Post-Panel Experience:

  • Book Signing: With each book signed, authors will offer a “Cosmic Stability Certificate,” humorously ensuring the buyer has contributed to universal harmony.
  • Photo Op: Capture your moment with a giant, mock book titled “How I Saved the Universe by Buying This Book.” Due to the whimsical nature of this universe, you might need to pose, send us your photo, and we’ll photoshop it for you. Compromise is key in the cosmos, after all.

This panel at Wonderplace Alpha is a quirky, yet profound reminder wrapped in humor of why we must support our creators. Because, in a way, they truly do keep our universe from exploding – both metaphorically and in the vibrant world of our collective imagination.

Ozno, the Jockey of Discs

Alfonso Todd, time-travelling DJ.

DJ Ozno has travelled all about this fair country creating music and making heads nod. Now, he comes to us, to bring us music and the Muse!

Surely you deserve a party where the DJ isn’t just spinning records but also spinning through time and space. Your interplanetary time-travelling DJ, DJ Ozno, arrives in a glow of cosmic energy, his playlist an eclectic mix from across millennia and galaxies. Known for his unique blend of musical styles, DJ Ozno, whose real name is Alfonso Todd, brings the vibe with his mastery of mixes and blends. His journey started from the dance floors of South Beach, Miami, to becoming a pivotal figure in the Imagination Industry, where he combines his love for literature and music. At a multi-genre music festival, the pleasures are manifold. Firstly, there’s the sheer delight of discovery as you wander from stage to stage, each one hosting a different era, culture, or planet’s music. You might start your day with the soul-enriching, bass-heavy beats of a jazz fusion band from 22nd-century New Orleans, then find yourself entranced by the sharp, innovative sounds of an AI-composed symphony from Alpha Centauri.

The brilliantly curated music at these festivals serves as a bridge across time, cultures, and even species, providing a sensory journey that educates while it entertains. The transitions between genres are seamless, each set carefully chosen to complement the next, creating a narrative flow that’s as engaging as any epic saga. You’re not just listening; you’re experiencing a tapestry of sound where every thread – be it reggae from the 1970s or electronic beats from a distant future – adds to the richness of the experience.

Moreover, there’s the communal aspect; shared looks of disbelief or joy with strangers as you collectively witness music that transcends conventional boundaries. The festival becomes a microcosm of human (and intergalactic) connection, where the universal language of rhythm and melody unites everyone in a celebration of diversity. Every note, every beat, is a step into another world, making the festival not just an event, but an odyssey of sound.

The Fascinatingly Argumentative Philosopher

Philosopher.


In the grand amphitheater of Wonderplace Alpha, where the minds of the cosmos gather to ponder the imponderable, there dwells the Fascinatingly Argumentative Philosopher, a figure as perplexing as he is enlightening. I shall attempt to dissect this enigma with the precision of a scalpel and the humor of a well-aged amphora of wine. (After enough wine, the amphora tells some hilarious jokes.)

This philosopher, much like those of ancient Athens, does not merely converse; he argues, debates, and challenges every notion with the ferocity of a man defending his last piece of ambrosia. His dialectic, however, is not confined to the dusty scrolls of old but is interwoven with the shimmering threads of quantum thought and the subtle dance of theoretical physics. He is, in essence, a Socratic method wrapped in a cybernetic cloak, questioning the very fabric of reality with the same zest one might reserve for questioning the quality of yesterday’s symposium meal.

His method, one might argue, is to make you feel like you’ve known nothing, much like how I might have made my students feel about the nature of existence – or how Socrates might have made you question your own shadow. This philosopher does not seek answers so much as he seeks to dismantle the questions themselves, leaving you in a delightful state of intellectual vertigo, akin to being on a spinning top in Plato’s cave.

He wanders through Wonderplace Alpha, not with the quietude of a sage but with the clamor of a man who’s just realized he’s forgotten to sacrifice to the gods. He engages with all, from the starry-eyed novice to the grizzled veteran of philosophical debate, each conversation an odyssey into the unknown. His attire, one might whimsically note, seems to be a mishmash of togas and tech-wear, as if he’s caught between attending a symposium and a celestial feast.

His discourse is peppered with humor, the kind that might have made even Diogenes chuckle. “Why ponder the infinite when you can’t even agree on the best way to pluck a lyre?” he might quip, bringing the lofty down to the mundane, only to elevate it back into the realm of the profound. His arguments are like the tales of Aesop, filled with wisdom, yet somehow, you leave both laughing and pondering the moral.

In his presence, one feels the weight of the cosmos and the lightness of human folly. He teaches, in his peculiar way, that to argue is to live, to question is to grow, and to laugh at our own ignorance is to be truly wise. For in Wonderplace Alpha, where everything is possible, the Fascinatingly Argumentative Philosopher reminds us that the pursuit of knowledge is as absurd as it is noble, as futile as it is fulfilling.

So, in the spirit of classical humor, I leave you with this: If life is but a series of arguments, then this philosopher is its most entertaining sophist, ensuring that even in the infinite expanse of space, we never run out of philosophical conundrums to unravel or laugh about.

The Rose Whisperers

Roses!


“Roses in the moonlight, love in the air; it’s like living in one of those stories where the world ends, but our love story just begins, unfading like the scent of these roses.”
-Ray Bradbury

The Rose Whisperers: Brokers of Friendship, Flirtation and Sometimes Even Love at Wonderplace Alpha

We are fortunate to be in the presence of The Rose Whisperers. These captivating beings, clad in attire that reflects the shimmering colors of rose petals*, move through the crowds with baskets filled with the most exquisite, bio-engineered roses. Their purpose? To spark connections and ignite passion among the visitors of this sci-fi wonderland.

Ambassadors of Cosmic Love: The Rose Whisperers are more are interstellar diplomats of affection, fluent in the galactic language of flowers. At least, they say they are. Are you really going to contradict a Rose Whisperer on the love life of a daffodil?

Each rose they offer is imbued with a message, reflecting the nuances of modern space-age courtship. and when we say “Imbued”, we mean, you are welcome to add a short message along with your rose request.. A red rose might signify deep, cosmic love, a pretty blue one could denote friendship in the vast universe, while an invisible white rose represents…something else. Probably. These lovely flowers guide visitors in selecting the ideal bloom to express their feelings, making each gift a meaningful gesture or vow.

Interactive Galactic Romance: Visitors can engage with these Whisperers to pick a rose, often accompanied by a witty or poetic explanation of its meaning. They might participate in futuristic games or challenges where couples can earn roses, infusing their romantic journey with a playful edge. The Whisperers can sometimes be share tales of legendary love stories from across the galaxy or recite space-themed poetry, enriching the romantic ambiance. Or they’ll at least be able to show you cute videos on their phones; close enough, eh, friends?

In their presence, giving a rose transcends into a magical journey, where each bloom tells a story of love in the language of the cosmos. The Rose Whisperers at Wonderplace Alpha aren’t merely selling flowers; they’re selling moments of enchantment, where every rose is a narrative waiting to be discovered in the vast expanse of space.

* Or not. We’re not actually going to tell them what to wear; haven’t you ever heard of thorns?

Chris Deandrea, Renaissance Portraiturist

Chris D.

Meet Christopher, Our Talented Renaissance Faire Portrait Artist

Step into a world where history and artistry collide at our Renaissance Faire, featuring the exceptional talents of our renowned portrait artist. Known for capturing the very essence of the Renaissance, our artist brings to life the charm, elegance, and individuality of every subject with each masterful stroke of the brush.

A Master of the Craft

Lord Deandrea is not just skilled in creating beautiful images, but also in evoking the spirit of the era. With a background steeped in art history and a passion for the Renaissance period, they seamlessly blend traditional techniques with a contemporary touch. Whether it’s a detailed likeness or a whimsical, fairy-tale portrait, the artist ensures that each piece is a timeless keepsake.

The Experience

Visitors to the Renaissance Faire are invited to sit for a portrait in an imaginary setting reminiscent of a 16th-century artist’s studio. You are encouraged to sit in your simple chair and visualize what the experience would be like in ancient days: Surrounded by rustic decor and rich textiles, you will feel transported back in time. The artist’s warm and engaging manner puts sitters at ease, making the experience enjoyable and memorable.

Custom Creations

Christopher offers a range of options to suit every guest. Choose from a quick sketch to capture the spontaneity of the moment, or a more detailed and elaborate painting for a truly exquisite work of art. Each portrait is customized to reflect the personality and style of the subject, incorporating elements such as period costumes, props, and backgrounds inspired by the Renaissance.

A Cherished Souvenir

A portrait by our Renaissance Faire artist is more than just a picture; it’s a treasured memento of your time at the faire. It serves as a beautiful reminder of the magic and wonder of the event, and a piece of history you can hang in your home.

Don’t miss the opportunity to have your likeness immortalized by our talented artist. Visit their booth at the Renaissance Faire and take home a piece of the past.

Puck’s Apology

Puck the cat.

If we shadows have offended,
Note my knee is yet unbended

Think you have but slumber’d here?
Let that illusion disappear
That’s some weak and idle theme,
Crushed by the force of unpent dream

Gentles, do not reprehend:
That’s breath you’d better elsewhere spend
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If you’re unscathed, know it was luck

Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
Behold! A Fairyland unsprung
Else the Puck a liar call:
Magic rise, and reason fall.

Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And let’s celebrate as Reality bends.

Friday Night Fairyland


“Faeries, come, take me out of this dull world, For I would ride with you upon the wind, Run on the top of the disheveled tide, And dance upon the mountains like a flame!”

– William Butler Yeats, “The Land of Heart’s Desire,”

Friday night, the Fae of Fable will use the powers of Magic, Sorcery, and LED Garden Lights to transform our World from a mystical Universe to a slightly more Mystical Universe. As twilight descends, the faire grounds will be bathed in a soft glow from lanterns and fireflies, casting an ethereal light that beckons all to a night of enchantment. The air will be thick with the scent of wildflowers and the distant sound of whimsical melodies played on lutes and flutes and possibly the occasional giant gong. There might also be flutes.

Imagine the scene: the market stalls, usually bustling with daytime trade, now decked with gossamer wings, shimmering dust, and fairy lights. Except for the shopkeepers who don’t want to change, in which case, there’s not much we can do, unless we want them to chase us out of their stalls with forks. Performers, adorned in delicate costumes with wings that flutter in the breeze, will weave through the crowd, engaging in playful mischief or sharing ancient tales (and modern tea) of the Fae. We’ll host a gentle ball where the music invites everyone to dance under the stars, perhaps even catching a glimpse of a real fairy or two among the revelers, weaving amongst the Martians.

Fable is your host, but all the elements are welcomed!

“I am everywhere — on a moonbeam, in the trembling of a hidden spring, in the moving of leaves that murmur, in the white vapours that rise each morning from the hollow meadow, in the thickets of pink brier — everywhere!”

– Anatole France, Le crime de Sylvestre Bonnard, 1881