Author: jeff

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Wonderplace Alpha Weapons Policy (Peace-Tied, Please)

Kull.

Weapons Policy

“The primary thing when you take a sword in your hands is your intention to cut the enemy, whatever the means.” – Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

The Short Version – Quick as a Katana Slash!

  • If it’s illegal in New York State, it’s a no-go inside the event venue. Period.
  • Misuse your weapon or prop—like swinging it around in a crowded hall—and it’s deemed unsafe faster than you can say “samurai.” Which you, like me, very probably mispronounce.
  • Unsafe gear? We’ll kindly ask you to stash it in your private lair (your room, car, or home).
  • Bought a shiny new weapon at the con? Box it up pronto or let our staff peace-bind it with ninja-level precision. No showing it off until it’s secure!
  • All props and weapons get a once-over by our crew. Even if it passed muster at another event—or last year’s Wonderplace—it’s subject to our approval here.
  • Anything that screams “safety hazard” (think bulky costumes clogging the halls) might need to vanish from the scene.

Heads up: One staffer might give a thumbs-up, but if another challenges it, the Head of Security swoops in with the final call. And just because no one’s stopped you yet doesn’t mean it’s all good—stay sharp!

“In strategy, your spiritual bearing must not be any different from normal. Both in fighting and in everyday life, you should be determined though calm.” – Miyamoto Musashi

Why So Serious? Because We Care!

Normally, we’d kick this off with a wild, whimsical tale and some goofy pics (imagine a knight juggling swords!), but this is big-deal stuff. We want you and your fellow adventurers safe—no injuries, no legal woes. Let’s keep the epic vibes going strong!

Welcome to Wonderplace Alpha – Where Props Rule!

“The sword is the soul of the warrior.” – The Book of Five Rings

Wonderplace Alpha is thrilled to have you bring your prop weapons—after all, they’re the beating heart of Renfaire glory! But we’re indoors at a hotel, not storming a battlefield, and New York’s laws are a bit stricter than, say, Pennsylvania or Connecticut. We’ve forged this policy with that in mind, so everyone can shine without crossing blades with trouble.

Here’s the Weapons Policy rewritten as if I’m a warrior—fierce, direct, and ready for battle. No fluff, just the steel-cold truth, forged with quotes from The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi and other legendary texts. Adapted for Wonderplace Alpha in New York, with a voice that echoes the clang of blades and the roar of the fight. Let’s march into it, shield up, sword drawn!

Weapons Policy – The Warrior’s Code

“The primary thing when you take a sword in your hands is your intention to cut the enemy, whatever the means.” – Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

Stand tall, kin of the blade! I see that gleam in your eye—your sword sings of glory, and I honor its edge. But this is Wonderplace Alpha, a stronghold in New York, and I, Head of Security for JME, guard this ground with iron will. I’ve no tolerance for fools who’d dishonor the way of the warrior. Heed my words, or face the reckoning.

The Short Code – Swift as a Strike

“In battle, if you make your opponent flinch, you have already won.” – Musashi

  • If New York’s laws ban it, it’s banned here. No exceptions.
  • Wield your weapon or prop like a coward—swinging wild in open ground—and I’ll name it unfit for this war.
  • Unfit steel or gear? Stow it in your quarters—room, steed, or distant keep—or it’s gone.
  • Claim a new blade from the merchants? Bind it in its sheath or let my guards peace-tie it. No baring it ‘til it’s sworn safe.
  • Every weapon, every prop—my sentries inspect it. Past victories at other fields or old Wonderplace battles mean nothing here.
  • If your gear risks blood—too wide, too unwieldy—it’s cast out. No debate.

One guard may nod, another may challenge. My word is final, etched in stone. Don’t think silence means victory—stay vigilant, or fall.

The Call to Honor

This is no jesting ground. I’d rather clash steel than scribe scrolls, but this matters. Keep your kin safe—spill no blood, draw no chains of law. We fight as one here.

Wonderplace Alpha – The Field of Valor

“The sword is the soul of the warrior.” – Musashi

Bring your weapons, your props—let them shine as badges of our craft! We’re no open plain; this is a hotel, a fortress under New York’s stern gaze, sharper than Pennsylvania’s or Connecticut’s softer lands. This code is our shield, tempered for the fight ahead.

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Fried Dough & Fried Oreos

Fried dough!

In a shimmering haze of neon-drenched futurescape, where the air hums with the electric pulse of a thousand hovering drones, there exists a sacred alchemy: the Fried Oreo. Imagine, if you will, a cosmos where the fabric of existence is woven from threads of sugar-dusted decadence and molten midnight cream, each bite a supernova of flavor that ignites the soul’s deepest circuitry. The crisp, golden batter—forged in the sizzling cauldrons of some rogue food-tech priest—encases the Oreo like a lover’s embrace, a fragile exoskeleton shielding its tender, cocoa-hearted core from the chaos of a fractured multiverse.

This is no mere snack, but a profane sacrament, a greasy gospel whispered in the back alleys of a cyberpunk New Orleans, where the ghosts of voodoo queens and nanobot hustlers dance in the flickering glow of holo-ads. The first bite ruptures time itself—sweetness floods the tongue like a bioengineered euphoria, the cream liquefying into a silken river of starstuff, while the fried shell crackles like the static of a dying galaxy. It’s the taste of rebellion against sterile perfection, a middle finger to the sleek, sanitized dystopias of tomorrow, where every sensation is rationed and every joy is synthetic.

Fried Oreos are the meaning of life because they are the paradox made flesh—or rather, made dough: chaos and comfort, excess and epiphany, a fleeting, oil-slicked transcendence that reminds us we are alive, messy, and gloriously finite. In their sticky, powdered-sugar aftermath, we glimpse the divine—a universe that doesn’t just permit such reckless beauty, but demands it. To eat one is to mainline the pulse of creation itself, a communion of the absurd and the sublime, served hot and dripping from the fryer of eternity.

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The Chris Cyanide Solo Bass Project

Chris Cyanide/

The Chris Cyanide Bass Solo Project, unleashed in July 2017 by New York’s own Chris Cyanide, is a relentless, bass-fueled journey into the dark heart of industrial metal, shock rock, and horror-inspired theatrics. This one-man sonic assault reimagines the boundaries of solo performance, wielding the bass guitar as both weapon and storyteller. With a sound that’s equal parts manic and melodic, infused with a gritty cyberpunk edge, Chris Cyanide delivers an unforgettable experience that’s captivated audiences across diverse stages—from underground clubs and high-energy festivals to horror conventions and intimate house parties. Each live show is a visceral spectacle, blending raw musical intensity with a flair for the dramatic, leaving fans buzzing long after the final note fades.

The project’s discography kicked off with Bassic Evil in 2018, a debut album that set the tone with its brooding, heavy basslines and unapologetic attitude. This was followed by Don’t Look in the Bassment in 2021, a sophomore release that dives deeper into the abyss, weaving eerie atmospheres with pulsating rhythms. Both albums are available on CD for collectors and streamable on all major digital platforms, showcasing Chris Cyanide’s evolution as an artist who’s as much a composer as he is a performer. Rooted in a passion for pushing creative limits, the Chris Cyanide Bass Solo Project is a bold testament to the power of individuality in music—an electrifying force that continues to grow, shock, and inspire.

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Captain Robert Brown, Airship Pirate of Honor

Captain Robert, Airship Captain and Steampunk creator.

=Where’s the soiled and rusty builders
Welding iron sculptures?
Where’s the clockwork ballerinas,
Circling like vultures?
Where’s the darkened cabaret,
Filled with new nostalgics?
Where has everything I loved gone?
Oh, the loss is tragic!”

~Abney Park, “Blowing Off Steam”

Captain Robert Brown: Steampunk Pirate King


Brethren of the Aetherial Coast, all hail Captain Robert Brown, the world’s most notorious airship pirate, landing at Wonderplace Alpha this May and hopefully not making off with it!

We’d like to tell you a little about Captain Robert, but being who we are, we’re probably going to tell you a LOT about Captain Robert. Because he’s a fascinating fellow.

Who Is Captain Robert?

“But I’m longing for a time I missed,
Nostalgic curse from fantasist,
The present worlds too dark, or is too bland. ”

-Abney Park

(As we often do, we asked the AI for help writing these bits of history down. The A.I. did a TERRIBLE job, which triggered Captain Robert to storm in, and in a tremendous rage, he behead the poor automaton! He then preceded to try to fix as much as he could in this bio, after which is apologized to the mechanic man, and handed it back it’s head with regret.)

Captain Robert’s history is shrouded in the mists of time, which are similar to the mists of Glasgow, Scotland, but slightly thicker. In 2005, Robert steered Abney Park away from its gothic roots, announcing on LiveJournal (March 13, 2005), “As if we just arrived by jet-powered-zeppelin for a midnight dig just outside of Cairo in the 1900’s, exploring a tomb that proved to be a portal to the planet were Vampires are the predominate race, or some other cheezy pulp-theme.”

Some would say that spark—fired by a childhood in Southeast Asia with his anthropologist mom and a 1988 stay near London’s Abney Park Cemetery—helped birth Steampunk itself. “Today satellite photos make the planet seem so small. Where is the adventure in that?” he pondered in Exchanging Fire (June 23, 2010). On Tumblr (August 8, 2012), he wrote, “Steampunk isn’t just nostalgia—it’s a rebellion against fiction over form, profitably over artistry movement” and told Decimononic (April 2012), “I hoped Steampunk could save the world from ‘Profit is the only goal.’”

While she won’t be at this appearance, his first mate is Kristina Erickson, Abney Park’s keyboard virtuoso and his wife since 2006. Together with the rest of the irrepressible Abney Park crew, they’ve unleashed 32 albums and gigs  around the world, in cities like Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, New York City, Atlanta, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, Baltimore, London, Whitby, Leipzig, Paris, Utrecht, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Melbourne, Sydney, Toronto, Vancouver, just to name a few. “It’s a family affair—chaos, creativity, and a shared madness,” he grinned in a Sacramento Bee piece (July 14, 2014). On Steampunk Empire (May 3, 2016), he posted, “Kristina’s the calm to my storm—she keeps the ship flying when I’m rigging explosives.” “Airship Pirate” (2009) bellows, “With a crew of drunken pilots, we’re the only airship pirates / We’re full of hot air and we’re starting to rise,” while “On The Fringe” (2014) croons, “Perhaps I’m happier struggling. Than rotting alone in a cage. Perhaps I’m happier fighting my life, Than dying alone of my rage,”.

His books are sheer literary plunder. The Wrath of Fate (2011), Book 1 of The Airship Pirate Chronicles, starts, “Show me a man who grew up with a happy childhood, no blood or broken glass in his youth, and I’ll show you a man who likely has nothing to contribute to society. They same wounds that can turn a man into a villain, might instead turn a man into a hero, and artist, or a leader. Scars add character. ” It won significant acclaim, as well: Books in Character (2012) cheered, “A fun, lighthearted read that draws you in,” while a Goodreads review (March 15, 2013) gushed, “A rollicking adventure—Brown’s world feels alive!” And earning a Steampunk Chronicle nod (June 2014), “A gritty, thrilling sequel that ups the stakes.”

Gaming is his other triumph. The Airship Pirates RPG (2011) snagged Diehard GameFAN’s “Best New RPG,” hailed as “a breath of fresh helium in a sea of tired tropes.” Its rulebook taunts, “Grab your chronominautilus and rewrite history!” and tempts, “The skies are lawless, and the rum is cheap.” Robert told Steampunk Chronicle (March 2012), “It’s less D&D, more ‘What if Jules Verne ran a bar fight?’” RPG.net (April 2012) raved, “The chronominautilus is bonkers—I sank Atlantis by accident!” Terror of the Skies (2013) packs 73 cards, plexiglass zeppelins, and a Wrath of Fate booster with the “Aether Rifle” (2D6 damage, +1 flair). “It’s about outsmarting the wind and your enemies,” he said in Steampunk Chronicle (October 2013). A 2016 BoardGameGeek review cheered, “Steampunk combat at its finest—fast and furious!”

“This life is filled with many worlds, you can live in any one you want
If you don’t love the world you’re in, choose another world to haunt.”
-Abney Park, “Many Worlds”

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Wonderplace Alpha Presents: Coney Island Saucery – A Culinary Thrillride Unleashed

In the shadow of Brooklyn’s storied shores, where the ghosts of creaking rollercoasters and the tang of salt air linger, a new force emerges from the ashes of Coney Island’s gritty legacy. Coney Island Saucery, born from the fevered mind of Aaron Max Epstein—a graphic designer turned alchemist of spice—arrives at Wonderplace Alpha with a promise: to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary, one drop at a time. This isn’t just hot sauce. It’s a pulse-quickening plunge into flavor, a carefully engineered assault on the senses that balances chaos and control, heat and harmony. And now, it’s here—available at nearly every food truck in our Wonderplace Alpha fleet, ready to ignite your next meal with a thrillride all its own.

Picture it: the sizzle of a burger fresh off the grill, the steam rising from a pile of fries, the hum of a crowd beneath our neon-lit canopy. Then, a single bottle of Coney Island Saucery’s finest—perhaps the Trailer Park Boys Green Bastard, with its verde venom of cilantro and serrano, or the Fallout Vault-Tec Industries Hot Sauce, a wasteland survivor’s dream of pineapple and habanero—stands poised to rewrite the script. These aren’t mere condiments; they’re catalysts, each one a small vial of rebellion against the mundane. Crafted in small batches, vegan and gluten-free, they whisper of Epstein’s Brooklyn roots—days spent dodging rickety rides and savoring Nathan’s dogs—while screaming innovation with every fiery note. From the medium kick of Deeecent to the metal-forged fury of Slayer’s Raining Blood, there’s a sauce for every palate, every daredevil, every dreamer.

But we’re not stopping there. Wonderplace Alpha is proud to unveil the Coney Island Saucery Hot Sauce Taste Event—a spectacle as strange and wondrous as the island that inspired it. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to a night where the ordinary bends and the extraordinary reigns. On [insert date], beneath the flickering lights of our food truck haven, we’re rolling out the red carpet—or perhaps a checkered tablecloth—for an evening of flavor and frenzy. Sample the full Saucery lineup, from the garlic-laced Louisiana silk of Deeecent to the apocalyptic heat of Raining Blood. Test your limits with curated pairings—think tacos kissed by Green Bastard, or a brahmin burger electrified by Vault-Tec. Our chefs, mad scientists in their own right, will concoct exclusive dishes to showcase these sauces, proving they’re not just toppings but the beating heart of a meal. Expect the unexpected: a live DJ spinning tracks as wild as the flavors, a “Sauce Survivor” challenge for the brave, and maybe even a glimpse of Epstein’s own Coney Island magic, bottled and bold.

This isn’t a one-off. It’s a declaration. Wonderplace Alpha stands as more than a venue—we’re a launchpad, a megaphone, a co-conspirator in Coney Island Saucery’s quest to redefine what hot sauce can be. We’re weaving their creations into the fabric of our food truck empire, ensuring that every bite you take carries the potential for adventure. Our trucks—roaming emissaries of taste—will stock these bottles at every stop, from the bustling streets of [insert city] to the quiet corners of [insert region]. We’re not just offering a product; we’re curating an experience, a movement, a chance for you to join the family Epstein’s built—one that dares you to taste the edge and come back for more.

Why Coney Island Saucery? Because it’s not about heat for heat’s sake. It’s precision, passion, a nod to a place where risk met reward under a Brooklyn sky. Epstein, with his designer’s eye and wizard’s touch, has distilled that spirit into every bottle—a spirit we’ve embraced wholeheartedly. We’re behind him, not just as a promoter but as a partner, ready to amplify his vision with special events that turn sauce into spectacle. This Taste Event is only the beginning. Picture future nights: a Trailer Park Boys watch party with sauce-soaked snacks, a Fallout-themed wasteland feast, a metalhead’s paradise with Slayer riffs and scorching bites. We’re all in, encouraging—no, urging—everyone to try it, to feel the rush, to discover why this isn’t just hot sauce, but a story you taste.

So come hungry. Come curious. Grab a bottle from our trucks, join us for the Taste Event, and let Coney Island Saucery take you somewhere wild, weird, and utterly wonderful. At Wonderplace Alpha, we don’t just serve food—we unleash phenomena. And this, dear friends, is one you won’t survive without tasting.

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Witling’s Jester: The Geeky and Irreverent Comedy of Lou Perez

Get ready for a hilarious brain-bending ride at Wonderplace Alpha with Lou Perez, the comedian, writer, and sketch comedy genius behind That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore: On the Death and Rebirth of Comedy. This nerdy firebrand mixes razor-sharp wit, offbeat observations, and geeky charm, delivering laughs as unique as a rare comic book find at a convention—think Einstein with a mic and a mischievous grin. “I told my Roomba it’s living its best life,” Lou says, “but it just bumped into the couch like, ‘This is my destiny, you nerd.’”

Lou’s sketch comedy is where his wild imagination truly shines. As the co-creator of the sketch duo Greg and Lou, he’s unleashed iconic bits like “Wolverine’s Claws Suck,” racking up over 20 million views online and cementing his status as a comedic alchemist. “I asked Wolverine why he doesn’t just get a manicure,” Lou quips, “and he slashed my couch like it’s my fault he’s got anger issues.” On his website, he touts producing Comedy Is Murder, a sketch series packed with absurd, laugh-out-loud chaos, proving he’s a master of turning nerdy quirks into sketch gold. “My fridge is a graveyard of expired condiments,” he confesses, “but I keep them like they’re rare Pokémon cards.” He was on The Last Glory Hole tour with Scott Thompson from the Kids in the Hall. Former President of the ACLU, Nadine Strossen said, “All great truths begin as blasphemies. The same can be said of jokes…Lou Perez delivers truth and blasphemy with punch lines.”

On Twitter (@thelouperez), he teases debates like whether Batman could outsmart Superman in trivia, showcasing his geeky edge. In That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, Lou dives into comedy’s wild frontier with sharp, hilarious insights, quipping on his website, “All great truths begin as blasphemies. The same can be said of jokes”—a line as clever as his sketches. “I tried meditating once,” he adds, “but my brain turned it into a cage match between Yoda and a Roomba—guess who won?”

Don’t miss Lou at Wonderplace Alpha—he’ll hit you with stand-up comedy brilliance, nerdy one-liners, and laughs that’ll stick with you like a favorite comic panel. “I named my Wi-Fi ‘404-Life-Not-Found,’” he says, “so my neighbors know I’m thriving—at least until the signal drops.” Your funny bone (and inner geek) won’t know what hit it!

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Vendors Wanted (INDOORS SOLD OUT)

VENDORS WANTED! May 2-4, Lake George, New York:

Gentlecreatures and Enigmatic Artisans of the Unfathomable—purveyors of the peculiar and unusual, the marvelous and weird, the strange and arcane, the eccentric and exquisitely bizarre—Wonderplace Alpha is a Steampunk Gothic Renaissance Faire, a dazzling collision of clockwork ingenuity, gothic shadows, and Renaissance opulence, hosted at www.wonderplacealpha.comYour brass-bound contraptions, twilight-drenched relics, and starlit curios are not merely welcome but essential, destined to transform our outdoor stalls into shrines of the uncanny.

INDOOR SPACES ARE, SADLY, SOLD OUT. ALL SPACES ARE 10′ X 10′ OUTDOOR SPOTS IN AREAS WITH EXCELLENT TRAFFIC ATTRACTIONS AND SOME LOVELY GREENERY. (check out some of our attractions, below)

FLASH SALE!

this weekend—Friday, March 21, through Sunday, March 23, 2025—we’re unleashing a flash 50% off sale on vendor spaces. We’re not in the habit of such reckless generosity, and I daresay this may be the final such flourish for this singular show.

Really. We’d like to get some great vendors in now, while we’re doing quite a lot of advertising and can show you/show you off to people.

Apply now at https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSf5A2So33KCA6539HNK5Cz…—don’t let the clockwork of opportunity tick past you.

Oh, and a whisper of advice—don’t dawdle over your tea and scones; the peculiar wait for no one, and neither do we.

**Seeking: Sponsors, Vendors, Performers**

Want to sponsor one of the most unique events of 2025? Contact us today to learn about opportunities!

We’re always seeking volunteers to join our mad, mad, mad little team. Email us!

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Wonderplace Alpha Kids’ Programming As Proposed By A Soulless But Fairly Clever AI

All right, dear friends! We’re working on childrens’ programming and thinking about what you might really enjoy.

Get ready for a fantastical mashup of whirring gears, medieval merriment, and Halloween haunts at our Steampunk Renaissance Halloween event! We’ve cooked up a cauldron of delightful children’s activities that spark creativity and giggles—all included with admission. Perfect for little tinkerers, knights, and ghouls, these are just a sampling of the fun awaiting your family. With our costumed crew leading the charge, kids will dive into a world where steampunk ingenuity meets Renaissance charm and spooky thrills!

1. Cog & Feather Creations

  • What It Is: Kids craft mini steampunk hats or spooky wands using paper, gears, and faux feathers.
  • The Vibe: Picture a Renaissance artisan tweaking a steampunk gadget—or a witch adding flair to her broomstick!
  • How It Happens: We provide paper strips, plastic gears, feathers, and glue sticks. Kids decorate, and our crew tapes them into shape. Cost: a few bucks for bulk supplies from a craft store.
  • Why Kids Love It: They leave with a wearable or wieldable treasure!

2. Pumpkin Gear Toss

  • What It Is: Kids toss lightweight “gears” (cardboard rings) onto pumpkin stems or pegs.
  • The Vibe: A steampunk carnival game with a Halloween twist—think “tune up the pumpkin contraption!”
  • How It Happens: Set up a few real or fake pumpkins (or buckets) with sticks as targets. Cut rings from free cardboard. Cost: nearly zilch if you’ve got boxes lying around!
  • Why Kids Love It: It’s silly, active, and they’ll cheer every wobbly toss.

3. Ghostly Potion Mix-Up

  • What It Is: Kids swirl safe “potions” in cups—vinegar, baking soda, and a dash of color for fizzy fun.
  • The Vibe: An alchemist’s lab gone Halloween wild—beware the “steaming spirit brew!”
  • How It Happens: We set out cups, spoons, and ingredients on a tarp. Kids mix and watch it bubble while our crew hams it up. Cost: about $20 for bulk basics.
  • Why Kids Love It: The fizz and mess feel like real magic!

4. Pin the Cog on the Clockwork Creature

  • What It Is: Kids stick a paper cog onto a drawn steampunk beast or ghostly knight.
  • The Vibe: A Renaissance game of skill meets steampunk whimsy—fix the creature’s gears before it haunts the skies!
  • How It Happens: We draw a big critter on cardboard, hand out paper cogs with tape, and spin kids for a laugh. Cost: free with scrap supplies.
  • Why Kids Love It: Blindfolded chaos and goofy results!

5. Storytime in the Steam Tent

  • What It Is: Our crew reads enchanting tales with a steampunk, Renaissance, or Halloween twist.
  • The Vibe: Gather ‘round for stories of clockwork dragons, haunted castles, or ghostly airships.
  • How It Happens: Kids snuggle on a blanket as we read from books like The Inventor’s Secret by Suzanne Slade (steampunk curiosity), The Knight and the Dragon by Tomie dePaola (Renaissance romp), or The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything by Linda Williams (Halloween giggles). Cost: free if you borrow from a library!
  • Why Kids Love It: It’s cozy, imaginative, and they might chime in with their own ideas.

Bonus: Costume Cavalcade

  • What It Is: A mini parade where kids show off their steampunk goggles, knightly capes, or spooky masks.
  • The Vibe: Strut like a Renaissance noble, a steampunk pilot, or a Halloween specter!
  • How It Happens: We line ‘em up, play a tune on a phone, and cheer like mad. Cost: a few bucks for candy “medals.”
  • Why Kids Love It: They’re the stars of the show!

Bring the Whole Crew!

This is just a taste of the fun—expect more surprises at the event! Our activities are designed for kids to jump in, get creative, and soak up the steampunk-Renaissance-Halloween spirit, all on a shoestring budget with maximum heart. Got a costume? Wear it! No costume? No worries—imagination’s the key. See you there for a day of wonder and whimsy!

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The Photographic Oddities Scavenger Hunt

The Grand and Wondrous Expedition in Pursuit of Photographic Singularities and Astonishing Curiosities

Here’s an expanded, steampunk-infused rewrite of your photo contest presentation, weaving in deep quotes from real human authors to elevate the tone and inspire the shutterbugs. It’s still rooted in the event’s real, unusual wonders, but now it’s dripping with brass-bound grandeur and a touch of the uncanny.

“The Illustrious and Arduous Campaign to Chronicle the Esoteric Wonders and Photographic Prodigies of the Known World”

Hark, ye dauntless chroniclers of the shadowed and sublime! Heed the clarion call to a quest both perilous and resplendent, where the camera obscura—thy trusty mechanized stallion—shall bear thee through the tangled wilds and clanking corridors of Wonderplace Alpha. From May 2-4, 2025, in the mist-wreathed realm of Lake George, New York, thou art summoned to wield thy lens as a beacon, capturing the fleeting marvels that defy the mundane and mock the ordinary.

Seek the whirring innards of a clockwork beast, its gears gnashing in forgotten workshops, as K.W. Jeter whispers, “The universe was a machine, and I was a broken cog, spinning free into the dark.” Chase the ghostly pirouette of steam beneath a gaslamp’s flicker, where Gail Carriger muses, “My heart is a clockwork thing, wound tight and ticking toward ruin.” Frame the improbable—a flower of brass blooming in a merchant’s stall, or a cyber-wrought specter stalking the Goblin Market—as Nick Harkaway declares, “Every cog fits somewhere, and every soul’s a spark waiting to blaze.” These are no mere phantasms but the tangible oddities of our multiverse fair, ripe for thy shutter’s embrace.

Thy mission: to snare the bizarre, the beautiful, the brazen—real wonders that hum, clatter, and shimmer amidst the event’s sprawl. From the clangorous inventions of mad tinkerers to the velvet hush of a time-lost relic, each photograph shall rise as a testament to thy artistry, a gallery of captured prodigies to dazzle the eyes of all who roam these paths of wonder. As Dexter Palmer intones, “The machine sang, and for once, it was a tune worth dancing to,” so too shall thy images sing, immortalizing the irrepressible spirit of this steampunk-soaked spectacle.

The Charge:

  • Roam the indoor/outdoor expanse, from firelit stages to vendor-haunted nooks.
  • Seek the rare—the improbable contraption, the costumed rogue, the glint of something other.
  • Submit thy finest captures to stand judged by peers and eccentrics alike, with glory and prizes for the boldest visions.

The Reward:
A place in the annals of Wonderplace Alpha, thy work enshrined among the esoteric treasures of 2025, to be gawked at, revered, and whispered of in tales yet untold.

Gear thy cameras, oil thy resolve, and step forth, for as Mark Hodder proclaims, “Invention is the heartbeat of hope, and we’ve got rhythm to spare.” The wonders await—go forth and seize them!