Category: Performance & Pleasures

Welcome, intrepid inventors, dastardly rogues, and curious tinkerers, to the Triumvirate of Eccentric Excellence at our Steampunk Renaissance Faire! This trio of competitions celebrates the wild, the whimsical, and the wonderfully weird. Join us on to compete for glory, prizes, and a chance to be named among the faire’s most eccentric exemplars. Enter one, two, or all three contests—those bold enough to tackle the full Triumvirate will earn a special ribbon as an Eccentric Exemplar! Read on for the details, and prepare to unleash your steampunk spirit.

---

The Order of the Steam-Bearded Gentry: Facial Hair Competition

Step into the ranks of the Order of the Steam-Bearded Gentry, where magnificent whiskers reign supreme. Whether you sport a full beard worthy of a mad inventor or a mustache fit for an airship captain, this contest honors the art of facial hair with a steampunk twist. Inspired by the grand traditions of Victorian grooming and the flair of steampunk gatherings, this is your chance to prove your follicles are the finest in the land!

Rules

• Eligibility: Open to all attendees with natural facial hair (no fake beards or mustaches allowed).
• Categories:
  • The Inventor’s Mane: Best full beard—think volume, texture, and steampunk styling (gears or braids welcome).
  • The Airship Captain’s Mustache: Best mustache—focus on shape and flair (curls encouraged, but no hair beyond 1.5 cm past the mouth corners counts).
  • The Gadgeteer’s Goatee: Best sculpted goatee or partial beard—precision and creativity rule.
  • The Steam-Powered Freestyle: Wildcard for any facial hair styled with steampunk props (e.g., tiny goggles, copper wiring)—originality is key.
• Judging Criteria:
  • 40% Creativity (steampunk theme integration).
  • 30% Grooming (neatness and hair health).
  • 30% Presentation (how it complements your costume and persona).
• Props: Small, non-functional steampunk accessories (e.g., gears, feathers) are allowed but must be securely attached.
• Judging: A panel of three Esteemed Gentlebeings scores entries. Audience applause breaks ties.

---

The Cackle of the Cogsworth Cabal: Evil Laugh Competition

Unleash your inner villain in the Cackle of the Cogsworth Cabal, where the most sinister guffaws take center stage. Picture a shadowy league of steampunk ne’er-do-wells, each vying to out-cackle the rest with theatrical menace. This contest is your chance to channel a mad scientist, a rogue automaton, or a top-hatted tyrant—bring your best evil laugh and let it echo through the faire!

Rules

• Eligibility: Open to all attendees, solo or in pairs (for a maniacal duet).
• Format:
  • Each contestant gets 30 seconds to deliver their most sinister, steampunk-infused laugh.
  • Handheld, safe props (e.g., a monocle, a fake ray gun) are allowed to enhance your performance.
• Judging Criteria:
  • 40% Malevolence (how evil and unhinged it sounds).
  • 30% Steampunk Flair (Victorian or mechanical touches, like hissing steam sounds).
  • 30% Delivery (volume, clarity, and theatricality).
• Rounds:
  • Preliminary: All entrants perform; top 5 advance based on judges’ scores.
  • Final: Top 5 perform again; winner chosen by audience vote (applause or raised hands).
• Judging: A Council of Nefarious Contraptors (three costumed judges) scores the prelims; the crowd crowns the victor.

---

The Bazaar of Bizarre Bargains: Oddest Under-$20 Find

Dare to dive into the Bazaar of Bizarre Bargains, a tongue-in-cheek treasure hunt for the strangest trinket you can snag for under $20! We’re not looking for the priciest or the prettiest—just the most peculiar gem you’ve unearthed from a thrift shop, flea market, or dusty corner store. Bring your oddity to the faire and regale us with its tale—because in steampunk, the weirder, the better!

Rules

• Eligibility: Open to all attendees with an item purchased for $20 or less (receipt or proof encouraged but not required).
• Requirements:
  • Item must be tangible (no digital goods) and safe to display (no sharp edges or hazards).
  • Must be something you legally bought—grandma’s attic doesn’t count!
• Judging Criteria:
  • 40% Oddity (how unusual or unexpected it is).
  • 30% Story (the tale of how you found it—embellish for fun!).
  • 30% Steampunk Vibes (bonus if it fits the aesthetic, but not required).
• Presentation: You get 1 minute to show off your find and tell its story to the judges.
• Judging: A Consortium of Curious Collectors (three judges) picks the winner based on sheer eccentricity.

Prizes

• The winner receives a Bazaar Baron’s Bauble (a quirky gear-trimmed trophy) and bragging rights as the faire’s savviest scavenger.

From a rubber chicken with goggles to a wind-up toy octopus, bring us your bargain-bin oddities—we can’t wait to see what you’ve discovered!

---

Join the Triumvirate!

These three contests form the Triumvirate of Eccentric Excellence, a celebration of steampunk’s most delightfully offbeat souls. Enter one for fun, two for fame, or all three to become an Eccentric Exemplar with a special ribbon to flaunt. Sign up at the faire, don your finest goggles, and let your eccentricity shine on March 24, 2025. See you there, you magnificent weirdos!

“No rum in the captain’s barrel
There’s rum on the captain’s table
And rum in the captain’s crew
So buy the captain rum!”

~Abney Park

Shiver me circuits, Wonderplace Alpha brims with a wild galaxy of fantastical and freaky goings-on—happenings so vast and bizarre, they’d make a Hobbit’s second breakfast or a Klingon’s war chant seem tame! Yet, when the warp drives sputter and ye crave a respite with our rum-sodden posse, take heart—we’re lashed to the mast right here. At the saloon, we’re swilling rum like Captain Jack Sparrow wailing, “But why is the rum gone?” from Pirates of the Caribbean—a lament we dodge with barrels aplenty. Some spin yarns of starships and dragons, others lurk over their grog, brooding like Riddick in Pitch Black growling, “I’d take a slug of that rum right about now.” Ye know the den: that steampunk-scarred saloon, all weathered planks and smoky haze, where misfits from Tatooine to Tortuga hoist their cups. Even Thor’d fit in, thundering, “Another! More drink, you fools!”—though we swap wine for rum, naturally. So swagger in, ye scoundrels—snag a tankard and revel with us. Yer weirdness be the spice in our rum-soaked saga!

Attention all weirdos, freaks, geeks, goths, nerds, rennies, steampunks, and every gloriously oddball spirit roaming the multiverse! You’re cordially invited to the grand Eccentrics Meet & Greet at Wonderplace Alpha’s Saloon, happening Friday afternoon This isn’t just some run-of-the-mill gathering—it’s a full-on celebration of the unconventional, a place where the strange, the quirky, and the downright fantastical collide in the best possible way. Picture this: a cozy saloon filled with the clink of glasses, the hum of laughter, and a crowd of folks who proudly live outside the norm. Whether you’re decked out in Victorian gears and goggles, wielding a replica lightsaber, or just vibing to your own cosmic frequency, this is your spot to unwind and connect. (Okay, that last bit sounded like AI. Come dressed however you want, is the main thing.)

We’re talking a laid-back hangout with zero pressure—just pure, unfiltered fun. Sip on a frothy brew, trade stories of your latest D&D campaign, or debate the finer points of Klingon grammar. As the great Joss Whedon once said, ‘The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn’t look like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, he’s going to keep digging, he’s going to keep trying to do right and make up for what’s gone before, just because that’s who he is.’ Well, here at Wonderplace Alpha, we’re all heroes of our own weird tales, and this Friday, we’re digging into good times together.

No need to hide your quirks—bring ‘em out in full force! Corsets and top hats? Check. Pocket protectors stuffed with pens? Absolutely. A cape you swear isn’t a costume but a lifestyle? We salute you. To quote the legendary Neil Gaiman, ‘Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.’ So come slay your social dragons with us! Swap tips on soldering steampunk gadgets, geek out over the latest sci-fi drops, or just revel in the fact that you’ve found your people.

This Friday afternoon at the Saloon, it’s all about embracing the beautifully bizarre. No judgments, no gatekeeping—just a room full of folks who get it. As the one and only Wil Wheaton put it, ‘Being a nerd, which is to say, going too far and caring too much about a subject, is the best way to make friends I know.’ So let’s go too far together—bring your passions, your playlists, your wildest ideas, and let’s make some epic new connections. Whether you’re a ren-faire bard with a lute in tow or a goth who’s convinced the sun is overrated, you’re welcome here. Come as you are, grab a seat, and let’s raise a glass to the freaky, geeky, and utterly fantastic!

The Chris Cyanide Bass Solo Project, unleashed in July 2017 by New York’s own Chris Cyanide, is a relentless, bass-fueled journey into the dark heart of industrial metal, shock rock, and horror-inspired theatrics. This one-man sonic assault reimagines the boundaries of solo performance, wielding the bass guitar as both weapon and storyteller. With a sound that’s equal parts manic and melodic, infused with a gritty cyberpunk edge, Chris Cyanide delivers an unforgettable experience that’s captivated audiences across diverse stages—from underground clubs and high-energy festivals to horror conventions and intimate house parties. Each live show is a visceral spectacle, blending raw musical intensity with a flair for the dramatic, leaving fans buzzing long after the final note fades.

The project’s discography kicked off with Bassic Evil in 2018, a debut album that set the tone with its brooding, heavy basslines and unapologetic attitude. This was followed by Don’t Look in the Bassment in 2021, a sophomore release that dives deeper into the abyss, weaving eerie atmospheres with pulsating rhythms. Both albums are available on CD for collectors and streamable on all major digital platforms, showcasing Chris Cyanide’s evolution as an artist who’s as much a composer as he is a performer. Rooted in a passion for pushing creative limits, the Chris Cyanide Bass Solo Project is a bold testament to the power of individuality in music—an electrifying force that continues to grow, shock, and inspire.

=Where’s the soiled and rusty builders
Welding iron sculptures?
Where’s the clockwork ballerinas,
Circling like vultures?
Where’s the darkened cabaret,
Filled with new nostalgics?
Where has everything I loved gone?
Oh, the loss is tragic!”

~Abney Park, “Blowing Off Steam”

Captain Robert Brown: Steampunk Pirate King

Brethren of the Aetherial Coast, all hail Captain Robert Brown, the world’s most notorious airship pirate, landing at Wonderplace Alpha this May and hopefully not making off with it!

We’d like to tell you a little about Captain Robert, but being who we are, we’re probably going to tell you a LOT about Captain Robert. Because he’s a fascinating fellow.

Who Is Captain Robert?

“But I’m longing for a time I missed,
Nostalgic curse from fantasist,
The present worlds too dark, or is too bland. ”

-Abney Park

(As we often do, we asked the AI for help writing these bits of history down. The A.I. did a TERRIBLE job, which triggered Captain Robert to storm in, and in a tremendous rage, he behead the poor automaton! He then preceded to try to fix as much as he could in this bio, after which is apologized to the mechanic man, and handed it back it’s head with regret.)

Captain Robert’s history is shrouded in the mists of time, which are similar to the mists of Glasgow, Scotland, but slightly thicker. In 2005, Robert steered Abney Park away from its gothic roots, announcing on LiveJournal (March 13, 2005), “As if we just arrived by jet-powered-zeppelin for a midnight dig just outside of Cairo in the 1900’s, exploring a tomb that proved to be a portal to the planet were Vampires are the predominate race, or some other cheezy pulp-theme.”

Some would say that spark—fired by a childhood in Southeast Asia with his anthropologist mom and a 1988 stay near London’s Abney Park Cemetery—helped birth Steampunk itself. “Today satellite photos make the planet seem so small. Where is the adventure in that?” he pondered in Exchanging Fire (June 23, 2010). On Tumblr (August 8, 2012), he wrote, “Steampunk isn’t just nostalgia—it’s a rebellion against fiction over form, profitably over artistry movement” and told Decimononic (April 2012), “I hoped Steampunk could save the world from ‘Profit is the only goal.’”

While she won’t be at this appearance, his first mate is Kristina Erickson, Abney Park’s keyboard virtuoso and his wife since 2006. Together with the rest of the irrepressible Abney Park crew, they’ve unleashed 32 albums and gigs  around the world, in cities like Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, New York City, Atlanta, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, Baltimore, London, Whitby, Leipzig, Paris, Utrecht, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Melbourne, Sydney, Toronto, Vancouver, just to name a few. “It’s a family affair—chaos, creativity, and a shared madness,” he grinned in a Sacramento Bee piece (July 14, 2014). On Steampunk Empire (May 3, 2016), he posted, “Kristina’s the calm to my storm—she keeps the ship flying when I’m rigging explosives.” “Airship Pirate” (2009) bellows, “With a crew of drunken pilots, we’re the only airship pirates / We’re full of hot air and we’re starting to rise,” while “On The Fringe” (2014) croons, “Perhaps I’m happier struggling. Than rotting alone in a cage. Perhaps I’m happier fighting my life, Than dying alone of my rage,”.

His books are sheer literary plunder. The Wrath of Fate (2011), Book 1 of The Airship Pirate Chronicles, starts, “Show me a man who grew up with a happy childhood, no blood or broken glass in his youth, and I’ll show you a man who likely has nothing to contribute to society. They same wounds that can turn a man into a villain, might instead turn a man into a hero, and artist, or a leader. Scars add character. ” It won significant acclaim, as well: Books in Character (2012) cheered, “A fun, lighthearted read that draws you in,” while a Goodreads review (March 15, 2013) gushed, “A rollicking adventure—Brown’s world feels alive!” And earning a Steampunk Chronicle nod (June 2014), “A gritty, thrilling sequel that ups the stakes.”

Gaming is his other triumph. The Airship Pirates RPG (2011) snagged Diehard GameFAN’s “Best New RPG,” hailed as “a breath of fresh helium in a sea of tired tropes.” Its rulebook taunts, “Grab your chronominautilus and rewrite history!” and tempts, “The skies are lawless, and the rum is cheap.” Robert told Steampunk Chronicle (March 2012), “It’s less D&D, more ‘What if Jules Verne ran a bar fight?’” RPG.net (April 2012) raved, “The chronominautilus is bonkers—I sank Atlantis by accident!” Terror of the Skies (2013) packs 73 cards, plexiglass zeppelins, and a Wrath of Fate booster with the “Aether Rifle” (2D6 damage, +1 flair). “It’s about outsmarting the wind and your enemies,” he said in Steampunk Chronicle (October 2013). A 2016 BoardGameGeek review cheered, “Steampunk combat at its finest—fast and furious!”

“This life is filled with many worlds, you can live in any one you want
If you don’t love the world you’re in, choose another world to haunt.”
-Abney Park, “Many Worlds”

Get ready for a hilarious brain-bending ride at Wonderplace Alpha with Lou Perez, the comedian, writer, and sketch comedy genius behind That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore: On the Death and Rebirth of Comedy. This nerdy firebrand mixes razor-sharp wit, offbeat observations, and geeky charm, delivering laughs as unique as a rare comic book find at a convention—think Einstein with a mic and a mischievous grin. “I told my Roomba it’s living its best life,” Lou says, “but it just bumped into the couch like, ‘This is my destiny, you nerd.’”

Lou’s sketch comedy is where his wild imagination truly shines. As the co-creator of the sketch duo Greg and Lou, he’s unleashed iconic bits like “Wolverine’s Claws Suck,” racking up over 20 million views online and cementing his status as a comedic alchemist. “I asked Wolverine why he doesn’t just get a manicure,” Lou quips, “and he slashed my couch like it’s my fault he’s got anger issues.” On his website, he touts producing Comedy Is Murder, a sketch series packed with absurd, laugh-out-loud chaos, proving he’s a master of turning nerdy quirks into sketch gold. “My fridge is a graveyard of expired condiments,” he confesses, “but I keep them like they’re rare Pokémon cards.” He was on The Last Glory Hole tour with Scott Thompson from the Kids in the Hall. Former President of the ACLU, Nadine Strossen said, “All great truths begin as blasphemies. The same can be said of jokes…Lou Perez delivers truth and blasphemy with punch lines.”

On Twitter (@thelouperez), he teases debates like whether Batman could outsmart Superman in trivia, showcasing his geeky edge. In That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, Lou dives into comedy’s wild frontier with sharp, hilarious insights, quipping on his website, “All great truths begin as blasphemies. The same can be said of jokes”—a line as clever as his sketches. “I tried meditating once,” he adds, “but my brain turned it into a cage match between Yoda and a Roomba—guess who won?”

Don’t miss Lou at Wonderplace Alpha—he’ll hit you with stand-up comedy brilliance, nerdy one-liners, and laughs that’ll stick with you like a favorite comic panel. “I named my Wi-Fi ‘404-Life-Not-Found,’” he says, “so my neighbors know I’m thriving—at least until the signal drops.” Your funny bone (and inner geek) won’t know what hit it!