Category: Performance & Pleasures

The Night Of Definitely Not Summoning Cthulhu:
(Definitely not based on Writer’s Block For Cthulhu Cultists — Jeff Mach Writes.)

Gather, acolytes, under the starless night for the vaguely sacred Ritual of Definitely Not Summoning Cthulhu. We speak the forbidden words:

“PLEASE, CTHULHU, DON’T EAT US”

and so forth,

each syllable twisted with Hyperborean wisdom, ensuring the slumbering beast remains undisturbed. We trace the ancient eldritch symbols in the darkling air.

The Gathering in the Shadow of R’lyeh:

In this hallowed hall, we wear the robes of the ancient cultists, our garments a whisper of the depths, though our intent is far from the abyss. The air carries the scent of incense, not to summon, but to cloak our gathering in an air of playful mystique. We sip “The Elixir of the Deep,” dark in hue yet probably not poisonous, a nod to the rituals of old without the dire consequences except maybe death and being eaten by wombats.

We discuss the mythos in..did we already say “hushed tones”? Hushed tones again, then.

Ritual of Not Summoning Cthulhu:

Assemble in a circle around the makeshift altar, an old table draped in dark cloth. Light candles, their flames flickering with mock solemnity.

Chant:
“Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn… not!”

Draw a protective circle with chalk

Gesture:
Raise hands towards the sky, palms outward in a gesture of mock defense, then quickly lower them: “Just kidding!”

Invocation:
“From R’lyeh’s depths, we call not thee,
For tonight is for mirth, not eldritch glee.
Stay thy slumber, oh Great Cthulhu,
For our gathering is insufficiently cooked.”

In the shadowed heart of Lake George, NY, lies the Mohican Resort Motel, a sanctuary for those who dance on the edge of intrigue, the ideal setting for the mysterious conclaves of WonderPlaceAlpha.com. Here, where the Adirondacks guard their secrets, you’ll find Efficiency Units, each a covert chamber with two queen beds, a kitchenette, and a private patio that whispers of clandestine meetings under the cover of night. For those seeking deeper seclusion, the 2 Bedroom Deluxe Apartments are a fortress of luxury with a king bed, a queen bed, equipped with a full walk-in kitchen and a dining area for five, perfect for plotting the next phase of your adventure.

The Mohican Resort Motel is where your narrative unfolds. Dive into the outdoor pool, a liquid mirror reflecting the sky, or slip into the warmth of the heated indoor pool, a place where whispers are lost in the steam. The game room and exercise room offer the perfect facade for espionage or relaxation. Whether you’re here to court danger or to escape it, the resort’s dedication to quality ensures that every moment is charged with the tension of a thriller.

As you weave your plans for Wonderplace Alpha, consider the Mohican Resort Motel for its opulent, lush, and enigmatic ambiance. With a meticulous eye for detail, this motel provides an escape into a world where your event can unfold with the intrigue of a spy novel. Secure your stay and let the Mohican cloak your gathering in an aura of mystery. Visit mohicanmotel.com for more details and to claim your own covert retreat in the heart of Lake George paradise.

Welcome to the Temple of the Shark – Buckle Up!

Here’s your guide to an experience so delightfully off-kilter, it’s like discovering a perfectly tuned banjo in the heart of a black hole:

• The Great Shark Summoning: Together, at the appointed time, we shall stand in a circle and summon the appropriate number of Sharks to
• Dance of the Thousand Fins: Participate in what could be the universe’s most eccentric dance party. With your fin on, you’re part of a spectacle that’s as likely to realign your chakras as it is to make you question your life choices, in a good way.
• The Oracle of the Deep: Get your future told by an Oracle whose advice is as reliable as a compass on a magnetized planet. Here, your fortune might come with a chuckle, not a chianti, and the only thing you’ll hear screaming is your sense of normalcy.
• The Shark’s Roar: When the roar echoes, it’s like the universe pausing to raise an eyebrow at us. The silence that follows isn’t the quiet of lambs; it’s the moment of cosmic suspense before the universe decides whether to laugh or applaud.
• The Blessing of the Waves: Step through our water tunnel, and you might find yourself in a reality where water is actually made of pure, undiluted weirdness. It’s a “you scratch my back, I’ll confuse your reality” deal with the sea.
• Feast of the Finned Ones: Enjoy shark-shaped delicacies, where the only thing endangered is your diet plan. It’s a feast where even the most elusive cryptid would stop to savor the moment, possibly pondering if they’ve finally found their tribe.
• The Shark’s Eye Challenge: Peer through the eye of the shark, and you might catch more than just hidden items; perhaps a cryptid or two, lost in the sauce of our dimension. If you see something, remember, in this universe, seeing is believing, sometimes.
• The Great Fin Parade: March in a parade where chaos reigns supreme. While we can’t guarantee cryptid sightings, if one joins us, it’ll only add to the event’s charm, like an unexpected guest at the universe’s most bizarre dinner party.
• The Call of the Abyss: Listen for the ocean’s reply, which might just be the confused murmur of a cryptid wondering where it took a wrong turn. If you hear something, it’s not the ocean; it’s the universe snickering at our antics.
• The Blessing of Speed and Strength: Get ready for activities that’ll make you feel like you’ve channeled the spirit of a dozen cryptids. It’s like PE class if it were run by a cosmic jester with a flair for the dramatic.

So, dive into the wildness at the Temple of the Shark, where the laws of reality are more like suggestions, cryptids might just be your new best friends, and every moment is a testament to the universe’s love for a good laugh. Here, the silence isn’t of lambs; it’s of everyone holding their breath in anticipation of what happens next.

“‘Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream,’ she said.
‘The one that makes me laugh,’ she said,
And threw her arms around my neck…”
~The Cure

Also known as our Goth Disco, thanks to our special guest, The Painting Badger.

This is a traditional old-school Goth night, except instead of being held in secret in the back of an abandoned church at midnight on the Feast of the Very Annoyed Saints when the Moon is full and Robert Smith is visiting telepathically…

…it’s held at our Festival, and whether you’ve been Goth since 1984, or whether this is the first time you realized that the Visgoths have returned… we’d love to meet you. All are welcome!

FRIDAY NIGHT, IN THE “DARKLING” AREA! When we say all are welcome, as always, we mean it – young and old, Goth or otherwise, come out, come out! But be aware that many of us will be dressing in our finest Goth colors of black, slightly darker black, slightly lighter black, and also, black. And we’ll dance the night away!

Entertainment: We’re picking a DJ. Or, really, our DJ will pick us and let us know.

Libations: Indulge in a selection of goth cocktails at our bar, each crafted to match the dark aesthetic of our gathering. From classics like the..the.. are there classic Goth cocktails? For real? What are they? … to our own concoctions inspired by the night, there’s something to suit every dark palate.

Atmosphere: Revel in the terrible lighting we all cherish, casting long shadows and creating an intimate, mysterious ambiance perfect for dancing or just being in dark and slightly uncomfortable spaces together. Our playlist will feature the timeless tracks that define our culture, ensuring your feet can’t help but move to the gothic rhythm, unless that’s not how you Goh, in which case, all good.

Quiet Retreats: For those who prefer the whisper of solitude, we’ve arranged several quiet areas nearby. Here, you can escape the crowd, reflect, or share hushed conversations amidst the quietude.

Smoking: And yes, for those who still hold a candle for the old ways, you can enjoy the rare pleasure of smoking clove cigarettes, should they still exist in this modern world.

Join us for a night where darkness meets…mostly more darkness, and everyone can enjoy the Darkling Element, and where we prove that the spirit of Goth thrives not on extravagance, but on the shared passion for the night. Let’s make this an unforgettable evening, proving that our community’s heart beats strongest in the shadows.